Last August I went to Rhode Island with some friends. Now I am posting about it. You’re probably asking, Why did this take seven months? Well, what usually happens in seven months? That’s right. That is the exact gestational period of an Orangutan. Congratulations to me!
Anyway, back to the post. I have personally discovered New England and how fucking quaint it is, all over the fucking place. Ugh. Quaint. FUCK! So far every post on this blog is tagged “road trip” and “New England.” Maybe I’ll go to Canada in 2011.
Nicole went to some chi-chi grad program at Brown so she got us free digs at their student housing, in former
slave servants’ quarters in a historical building:
First, we took a walk around downtown Providence. You can walk from Brown’s campus into downtown in less than twenty minutes.
We walked from downtown through the “Jewelry District” which is a desolate wasteland that only exists as a backdrop for muggings. This doorway was beautiful.
One day my flipper baby and I will look at this photo and just laugh and laugh and laugh.
But seriously, I swam naked in the Providence River at 4PM in August. What have you done with your life?
We stopped at an estate sale near Brown, which was definitely just a weird yard sale. We didn’t buy anything but it gave us a chance to look inside this mansion, whose original charm had been mostly destroyed, except for this amazingly useless and beautiful sink, which was in one of the bedrooms.
Andrea and Andrew tried out some of the wares.
Then we drove to Newport! First, we took a tour of Doris Duke’s (as in the Doris Duke Charitable Trust, for all you NPR fans) mansion, Rough Point. I read a bio of Duke once. She was awesome and everyone should know about her. She died as a typical eccentric old lady- letting her dogs pee on her expensive rugs and arguing with service people over pennies. But she also dated a young Hawaiian surfer name Duke Kahanmoku and left a lot of her money to animal welfare groups. They wouldn’t allow photography in the house but it was basically just a mishmash of European art and antiques. I did manage to snap this coat hook near the restrooms, though:
View of Rough Point from the garden.
After Rough Point we were at that cranky hunger level where Nicole and Andrew looked like delicious human-shaped bagels and Andrea and I looked like Bloody Marys. There was an interesting and completely non-working jukebox at the restaurant, which we chose with the utmost discrimination. ROCKOLA!
Quaint: Repairing your VCR in Newport!
Are you ready? Because shit’s going to get all 11th Grade English up in here. After lunch we took a walking tour of an old district of Newport.
I don’t know why this is the color of the throw up every single time my dog throws up, but it is.
This color is kind of awesome.
I can just imagine Nathaniel Hawthorne masturbating in the upstairs window. He’s thinking about ladies’ ankles.
Can you imagine how long it took to carve this door? I love this door.
Charlie Sheen’s moving to Newport! That was a lame (but topical) joke. Actually, I would totally live here- with or without any goddesses.
The trim on this house caught my eye. It’s unusually thick and almost looks like icing or some kind of candy. I also like the slight point in the otherwise rounded doorway.